Warmer than winter

When in water, u can only hear the sound of ur own breath .
When in suffering, u alone can hear the suffering .
Initially it becomes like an unbearable pain , fustrating and makes u want to erase every little molecule of ur very own existence. Then the suffering grows and silence hovers; it swallows the sound of the soul. Finally, nothing moves ; nothing changes but u alone discover ur own self in a new form . Eitherway its the same, in graveyard or not; in happiness or not ; in sanity or not - you do not remain the same person any longer. Maybe it's a part of growing up, maybe it's a part of learning and loving . And maybe it's a part where Sunshine cannot reach nor can darkness.
One day, u will have ur independence and that day you wont want any.
One day the body will give up on it's energy and everything will just stop in a minute.Maybe then , u will only remember the good things that happened, the places u saw and all the good people u met.

One thing is u cant hide - is when ur crippled inside. I gradually emerges, in ur tears ; on ur face ; in ur smile. It's a kind of suffering u cant stop, the worst part is that known suffering is painful than the unknown. I sometimes want to say it out loud but I'm often scared of the unknown devil who watches me from above.
But this time, i'll say it
Dear ......
U know things dont work out well all the time, u even know me and u know urself too.
Sometimes, my heart takes over my dominance of mind and it's when I cant help but say that I need u the most. Sand storm starts and ends but I'm sure that wont change the bond we share 
I want u to know why have I loved you ; its because of the man u are ; the clean soul u have ; the teachings that u pass on to me ; the place where I hold on to you ; the stupidity of mine that  u handle so carefully and most of all - the reality u drive me into. I know there's more but I cant remember more.
you and I know, no matter who or what I become - I remain the same woman for u , maybe ur an integral part of my growing up ; my dreams and my values too.
I would never know that one person that will never abandon u is ur family , if u didn't tell me ...i would certainly never know.
Until now, reality was sparkling but now it seems more real than any thing. I need to let u know, no matter where the wind blows - I need you.

“Anyone whose goal is 'something higher' must expect someday to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? No, Vertigo is something other than fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves.”
― Milan Kundera

When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That's the message he is sending.

 

“I was suffering the easily foreseeable consequences. Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story. It all begins when the object of your adoration bestows upon you a heady, hallucinogenic dose of something you never dared to admit you wanted-an emotional speedball, perhaps, of thunderous love and roiling excitement. Soon you start craving that intense attention, with a hungry obsession of any junkie. When the drug is witheld, you promptly turn sick, crazy, and depleted (not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but now refuses to pony up the good stuff anymore-- despite the fact that you know he has it hidden somewhere, goddamn it, because he used to give it to you for free). Next stage finds you skinny and shaking in a corner, certain only that you would sell your soul or rob your neighbors just to have 'that thing' even one more time. Meanwhile, the object of your adoration has now become repulsed by you. He looks at you like you're someone he's never met before, much less someone he once loved with high passion. The irony is,you can hardly blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You're a pathetic mess,unrecognizable even to your own eyes. So that's it. You have now reached infatuation's final destination-- the complete and merciless devaluation of self." - pg 20-21”
― Elizabeth

Maybe I dont like ur laws, but I follow them ; maybe I can't adjust to it yet i follow them . Because i can promise one thing , I will always make sure - I've been there and I've trusted u . I will always make sure that nothing will break 'us'

Parole

This is going to be my first book, probably a complete story I'll paper down if I exist in the next few months.
I'm writing this book to unveil the reality that comes with 'love' , regardless of its stagnancy, to extremes that follow and to all those who happened to me.

To:

• Ma and Dad - for painlessly swallowing down my stupidity.
• ******, for being there in my life
• Mr. Kapur, for his love, prayers and support
• Tashi, for her cheekiness
• Juhi, for introducing me to Blogging
• Surjo, my brother.
• India, my nation
• and Paroxysm - for existing in me 

To all those whom I've come across and mostly for my readers - to whom I'm always indebted

the book is about my past, present and possible future, about the moments that changed me as a person.
From staying Far and Apart from him to the new beginnings in winter and going on a long walk together for years to come . The summer vacation that changed the whole point of my existence, his existence ; the unveiling of truth and getting together by forces of nature ; moving to London to strengthen our future and the fall of Christmas. The restoration of everything , paroxysm and the entrance and exit to 'dark room' ; and moving to where the ends never meet and sweet goodbyes in 'dasvidaniyan'  .
I'm yet to decide 'where ends meet ' !!

- The Author