Shopping List

Busy day as u know a Monday is , but it's spring and it's spring bank holiday . I gotta rush to all the stores and finish my shopping before Alice pulls me to wonderland .My normal day would start with my first round of medication in the morning followed by tea/coffee , sometimes Red Bull if I've slept for 3 hours or less. I would then do the dishes, laundry and follow my second round of coffee/ tea and sometimes, chamomile and honey dew twinnings . Then the regular, wash bath, select clothes, style hair, wear lenses and apply makeup and put on some shoes and walk to university with a ton full of things that spill out all at the same time .The later, get busy as hell until I board the 18.27 bus and get home to only collapse on my bed or say followed by lazy cooking and banging my dishes into the sink and bathe to tuck into bed or maybe jump out too ; to study sometimes or read a novel until my eyes drop dead into sleep with all the crazy dreams .  Okay so this is a bank holiday right? So the list is as follows :

• Coconut water
• milk
• fruits and vegetables 
• salon 
• maybe some printing to do ( subject ppt for revision )     
• meat and gratin ;) 

but suddenly, there's this list fairy who changes the list as soon as I enter the supermarket ; there it is - mocking me for leaving the actual one home  . This is my secret wish list , my strange one which looks like this odd mocking bird to me this minute ...okay so read this :

• take a vacation, without family 
• wear a bikini 
• go snorkeling
• read all the chic lit fiction books 
•  learn gymnastics / kathak 
• make my spouse his morning tea/ coffee and breakfast  o:) 

so I go shopping in some daze and return with just the first 3 items on the list , so it is ...tomorrow will be a dead busy day  with an exam  :(  :O 

Axiomatic

I'm this huge dilemma, the events of that fateful day haunt my mind ; night after day . Little did I know that some storm approached the shore as I stood guarding Pandora's  box with my life .  Beans have been spilled, now it's time I had opened my mouth, time I let destiny take its course . Destiny ? did I not always want to hold on to it before it spilled the beans ?! But now I want to let it go, make fun of me, put me through the worst , let it start all over again . My fears have smelt the coffee , dropped my jaw and left me wounded . Ya , I know, no explanations but then it's human nature to explain right?
I say" I love u, you truly are the best thing that ever happened to me , I don't regret a single moment of it,u were my best friend , my lover and most of all u made feel alive again. I'll never forget u for that . You're going to be the very best part of me , I'm sorry it has to be this way , but I've to leave , and u have to see u true soul mate .I'm not the one , I'm just the serious ex. and I'm a liar . A horrible person but I'm sorry . You see, we all need some serious ex.'s so as to keepsake it for experience , I mean, it is how this goes right ? Someone has to be heartbroken , to be shaken to reality right ? "

I repeated the conversation a 1000 times in my head, cursed myself under my breath and trust me, such silence had a sound , the sound of disappearance. Memories span the miles and in seconds I'm back again , there , in the same place . I sob and look at myself , my selfish and insensitive self . Then I look again into the same person, loser it screams .

Yes, I may be the most horrible of people but I'm still here and if I did deserve this or not I don't know but if it's true ; it will certainly walk back in its own time and space.

“How to separate the humiliation from the loss, that's the catch. You can never be sure if what tortures you is the pain of being without someone you love or the embarrassment of admitting that you have been rejected.” 
― Stephen Fry, Making History