On Dubai Airport, I suddenly notice all the beautiful things men can make happen. But then there's a space b/w all the beauty and beasts; all the happiness and the sorrows and all other that could be procured somewhere on this earth. How difficult is it for that one person to understand of what goes b/w two people behind the falls. When I stepped out of the bubble of love, i realized that there was more to life than just 'him' and no matter how worse things got, only I had the luxury to decide and design my own life with all the restlessness around me, and still be happy about it. However, there's a larger part not taught at school or home , it's only life can teach you .'Life' , just a too much for it's literal meaning .
nobody teaches you to be happy or use good vocab and become some big sparkly writer, nobody teaches you to know what's worth knowing and what's not, nobody tells you how to walk away from somebody you dont love any longer, nobody teaches you how to love back or be amicable enough, nobody tells you to read minds and know what's going on, nor do they ever teach how to be rich or pauvre (poor) and be famous or not. It's just the part where only experience will tell a tale, u must know.
you'll find hundreds of thousands of tales on love, break ups and life experiences but where shall you find one tale that tells how to stand at a blind spot and walk without any support and believe enough that one day, u shall find that one person who will be there for you no matter night or day. I'm not reffering to a doctor here, it's the person who will never nag you like a bitch or behave indifferent but just slip their hand under your pillow and put a note about what is wrong and what you must know is right. I could sound traditionlist here but trust me, there are all kinds of marriages; there are all kinds of couples and there are all kinds of break ups .
Wednesday, 26 October 2011
Monday, 24 October 2011
Half Hearted
Few Months ago, I was deeply struck by love. And today, Few days later I realize how important it is to cry and weep till that emotion seeps out. Few months ago, I admired a woman called J***and today I can barely remember why would I do that . It's not because there's no contact or whatever but , because she just was a being who must be admired and left because she does this to herself or maybe it happens in my part of the world.
At the same time, few months ago I knew what was it like to smile and today I've forgotten how to do so. All I can see is the old me who stood way before this day. All I can see, is woman full of longing. A kind that never subsides till end.
I wonder what kind of specie do people belong to where hurting somebody is considered to be a 'good' deed and where dying soul is a path to new light from darkness. What on earth shall I know about such a type!?
He alone knws how long will this storm take to pass and how many paths shall I have to cross to know what the future holds
At the same time, few months ago I knew what was it like to smile and today I've forgotten how to do so. All I can see is the old me who stood way before this day. All I can see, is woman full of longing. A kind that never subsides till end.
I wonder what kind of specie do people belong to where hurting somebody is considered to be a 'good' deed and where dying soul is a path to new light from darkness. What on earth shall I know about such a type!?
He alone knws how long will this storm take to pass and how many paths shall I have to cross to know what the future holds
Sunday, 23 October 2011
Moment of Truth
The truth is that everthing shall switch to a mode of stupidity and people will say " u can be happy without him' but trust me , it's all crap.
There's no love enginered between two souls if they are apart . They need to sleep each night in the satisfaction that they are together. We are Mango people,who need each other to love and cry, to share happiness and sorrows, to look at diffrent things and do different things.
we ain't Romeo & Juliet or Laila- Majnu that, their love lives after their death. Who waits for death anyway ? We need each other that very moment, to meet up, to kiss , to love , to smile, to be with each other and be satisfied in the end of the day that no matter how bad things get, that 'one' person is always there for you.
*sigh*
There's no love enginered between two souls if they are apart . They need to sleep each night in the satisfaction that they are together. We are Mango people,who need each other to love and cry, to share happiness and sorrows, to look at diffrent things and do different things.
we ain't Romeo & Juliet or Laila- Majnu that, their love lives after their death. Who waits for death anyway ? We need each other that very moment, to meet up, to kiss , to love , to smile, to be with each other and be satisfied in the end of the day that no matter how bad things get, that 'one' person is always there for you.
*sigh*
Knitting Knots
We get married because we need to , it's a social norm . Isn't it ?
Well in India , it is. It's bad if u ain't married by 25 and people behave like retards . Trust me, they do behave worst than that but I can't find the word.
You know it's never fifty-fifty in a marriage. It's always seventy-thirty, or sixty-forty. Someone falls in love first. Someone puts someone else up on a pedestal. Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly; someone else sails along for the ride.
Well in India , it is. It's bad if u ain't married by 25 and people behave like retards . Trust me, they do behave worst than that but I can't find the word.
You know it's never fifty-fifty in a marriage. It's always seventy-thirty, or sixty-forty. Someone falls in love first. Someone puts someone else up on a pedestal. Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly; someone else sails along for the ride.
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”
― Khalil Gibran, The Prophet
― Khalil Gibran, The Prophet
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him, that's where the the trouble really begins in a turbuelent Relationship of a man and wife.
“When love beckons to you follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth......
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself."
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; And to bleed willingly and joyfully.”
― Khalil Gibran, Le Prophète
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself."
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; And to bleed willingly and joyfully.”
― Khalil Gibran, Le Prophète
When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death can try to do them apart and shall fail . I don't want to be married just to be married for the sake of it . I can't think of anything lonelier than spending the rest of my life with someone I can't talk to, or worse, someone I can't be silent with or lay in sickness and say no smile . No long-term marriage is made easily, and there have been times when I've been so angry or so hurt that I thought my love would never recover. And then, in the midst of near despair, something has happened beneath the surface. A bright little flashing fish of hope has flicked silver fins and the water is bright and suddenly I am returned to a state of love again — till next time. I've learned that there will always be a next time, and that I will submerge in darkness and misery, but that I won't stay submerged. And each time something has been learned under the waters; something has been gained; and a new kind of love has grown. The best I can ask for is that this love, which has been built on countless failures, will continue to grow. I can say no more than that this is mystery, and gift, and that somehow or other, through grace, our failures can be redeemed and blessed.
The only problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast and served in all hope for that 'love' to happen again till the next few nights of ur breath.
Dim Lights - Bygones of a Best Friend
2.30 am
May 16th, 2011
The phone rang like some sort off buzzer, there was no answer at the other end . I ring again after 20 minutes . There's voice , cheeky yet tired .
" Hello ! who is this ?"
" Happy Birthday missy, finally u're 18. what are u doing today ? " I sound like ever before, the best friend She had .
" okay yeah! who is this but ?"
' it's me! ur best friend . Remember ? Lagos ? Nigeria ? Sonia ?'
" not really! I dont know you "
' it's Shreya right ? it's her number i believe "
"yes it is, it's Shreya but u've called the wrong person. I don't know any Sonia"
I put down th phone in amazement, how people forget their best of friends in less than 6 months; how quick this world moves on.
tears roll down my eyes, i walk up to dim the lights and sit down in a corner with my memory book with Shreya and tear it paper by paper.
When a person gets close to me, i give them love . When they leave, it feels like there's a crater in there and i shall never be able to fill it. And when they behave indifferent, I wilt ! Know how much that pains? Even I haven't figured it out . My pain isn't the greatest, but it still is one of them.
Time takes it all whether you want it to or not, time takes it all. Time bares it away, and in the end there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again
May 16th, 2011
The phone rang like some sort off buzzer, there was no answer at the other end . I ring again after 20 minutes . There's voice , cheeky yet tired .
" Hello ! who is this ?"
" Happy Birthday missy, finally u're 18. what are u doing today ? " I sound like ever before, the best friend She had .
" okay yeah! who is this but ?"
' it's me! ur best friend . Remember ? Lagos ? Nigeria ? Sonia ?'
" not really! I dont know you "
' it's Shreya right ? it's her number i believe "
"yes it is, it's Shreya but u've called the wrong person. I don't know any Sonia"
I put down th phone in amazement, how people forget their best of friends in less than 6 months; how quick this world moves on.
tears roll down my eyes, i walk up to dim the lights and sit down in a corner with my memory book with Shreya and tear it paper by paper.
When a person gets close to me, i give them love . When they leave, it feels like there's a crater in there and i shall never be able to fill it. And when they behave indifferent, I wilt ! Know how much that pains? Even I haven't figured it out . My pain isn't the greatest, but it still is one of them.
Time takes it all whether you want it to or not, time takes it all. Time bares it away, and in the end there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again
Innocence
Yeah it's weird to hear that from me but the fact is the some facts are unknown; sometimes they are unknown to me as well. There's always something I have to tell but the ears fall short. Maybe, this blog which is unknown to many is the best place where I write and nobody listens or reads it yet it gives me some sort of satisfaction that somebody might just read it someday even if that someday never shall come and that I know from deep inside or maybe not !? *sigh*
Myth & Facts
#1 Myth : She's arrogant !
Fact : she's not , never was. Just a woman filled with so much annoyance that it's hard to tell when she isn't annoyed.
#2 Myth : She's an easy catch
Fact : maybe she is , doesnt mean you should be mean. But more closly she's not , she knows things but doesn't always talk , she's loving .
#3 Myth : 'dude , i was being sarcastic! u took it seriously ? oh pity you' *your thought*
Fact : ' I know you were being sarcastic and I guessed it the time this sarcasm started yet didn't believe you were that mean' * my thought*
The problem doesn't lie in you , it lies in me. It's where i'm too honest and too loving . I happen to be harmless and never get cynical . It's where the problem lies. It's the innocence that one woman can posses is the problem in this era because we've really lost people who are that innocent and that forgiving. We live in a place where everybody is a devil and everything is evil , where would be a place for that innocence i scream about.
To disambiguate b/w my thinking and yours is ; yours is too narrow and shrewd and mine is too honest and harmless.
My hope begins to flail at times, for people who take that honesty and care for granted and think it's fake.
I stand gapeing at times to what i hear about myself, trust me . it's a situation where i sink into the thought " this person knows how to judge people ? OMG ! like really? Noway! "
while all you out there , like hounds come into my life get some rest , take advantage and walk away .
When you're incomplete, you're always searching for somebody to complete uself. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, u find that you're still unfulfilled, u blame ur partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on--series polygamy--until u admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, I ,u, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for u, and to believe otherwise is to delude urselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship you will enter.
To move on, u'll use a person like that give her that: a private space to believe in the illusion of normalcy in a relation and then suddenly, disappear in the dark.
For all the wrong users of innocence , i can scream and shout till my voice reaches the edges of the earth i.e. that ur incompetent humans and do not deserve to live in a socity or even know people who can selflessly love you & deserve no forgiveness for anything . I say this in tears , lods of them .
even though u'll continue to use such people like a pawn yet I say : for the sake of humanity, just once stop and think about that woman or man ...do they really deserve that kind of treatment or do they deserve ur respect and love ? is it that tough to give something u recieve in abundance ? how tough is it? I could never struggle for such a thing!
Myth & Facts
#1 Myth : She's arrogant !
Fact : she's not , never was. Just a woman filled with so much annoyance that it's hard to tell when she isn't annoyed.
#2 Myth : She's an easy catch
Fact : maybe she is , doesnt mean you should be mean. But more closly she's not , she knows things but doesn't always talk , she's loving .
#3 Myth : 'dude , i was being sarcastic! u took it seriously ? oh pity you' *your thought*
Fact : ' I know you were being sarcastic and I guessed it the time this sarcasm started yet didn't believe you were that mean' * my thought*
The problem doesn't lie in you , it lies in me. It's where i'm too honest and too loving . I happen to be harmless and never get cynical . It's where the problem lies. It's the innocence that one woman can posses is the problem in this era because we've really lost people who are that innocent and that forgiving. We live in a place where everybody is a devil and everything is evil , where would be a place for that innocence i scream about.
To disambiguate b/w my thinking and yours is ; yours is too narrow and shrewd and mine is too honest and harmless.
My hope begins to flail at times, for people who take that honesty and care for granted and think it's fake.
I stand gapeing at times to what i hear about myself, trust me . it's a situation where i sink into the thought " this person knows how to judge people ? OMG ! like really? Noway! "
while all you out there , like hounds come into my life get some rest , take advantage and walk away .
When you're incomplete, you're always searching for somebody to complete uself. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, u find that you're still unfulfilled, u blame ur partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on--series polygamy--until u admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, I ,u, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for u, and to believe otherwise is to delude urselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship you will enter.
To move on, u'll use a person like that give her that: a private space to believe in the illusion of normalcy in a relation and then suddenly, disappear in the dark.
For all the wrong users of innocence , i can scream and shout till my voice reaches the edges of the earth i.e. that ur incompetent humans and do not deserve to live in a socity or even know people who can selflessly love you & deserve no forgiveness for anything . I say this in tears , lods of them .
even though u'll continue to use such people like a pawn yet I say : for the sake of humanity, just once stop and think about that woman or man ...do they really deserve that kind of treatment or do they deserve ur respect and love ? is it that tough to give something u recieve in abundance ? how tough is it? I could never struggle for such a thing!
Hao kya be ? :P
'Hao Kya bee?' , I came across this phrase while talking to an old classmate who is well known for his random sarcasm (yet it never works on me). Noting funny about it yet the memory is daubed in my head .
- I so wish some people could spare 'english' (reffered to; maa behen karne maai mahir janta) and not stick their big nose in this .
- Economics lessons - Mr.**** presents his compliments to my random work with all sarcasm that is totally screwed since the 18th century, and the entire room begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business.
“I have been astonished that men could die martyrs
for their religion--
I have shuddered at it,
I shudder no more.
I could be martyred for my religion.
Love is my religion
and I could die for that.
I could die for you.”
― John Keats
now that sounds so much in love, ain't it ? trust me it's no less than an dead old man waking up and telling u ' yo babey , let's party '
it's weird , very very weird. to die for love. love is life, agreed ! but then there's more to it . Like the other day, i'm watching this random movie where 2 people have a 'happy break up' , that's how stupid love can get and sometimes it's wise (no offence, i was once in love as well ) . There's never a happy break up, it's the atrocities of madness or whatever. Love of actual meaning is dated and today we start with physical relationship prior to that 'love'. There's always a relation in 2 things, b/w an emotion and it's reaction; similarly there's a nature of things like there can never be a happy break up . it's not stupidity, it's disapprobation :P
- When I was a girl of 9, my old friend from ethopian airways was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old woman around. But when I got to be 17, I was astonished at how much the old woman had learned in seven years.
- Instructions for living a life.
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it
- In an english class, where I sit and mentally correct her grammar and mistakes OF AN ENGLISH TEACHER PREPARING FOR IGCSE 'O' LEVELS - OMG !!!
**I'm in a very random mood today **
Friday, 21 October 2011
Baahre Baahre Naina
I walked in some frail unsettleing memories, peircing through my mind every now and then. I see all these things around, embellished in so much of affection and i curse myself for being that only woman who can never love enough to bring back the lost.How far have you travelled that it's tough enough to come back and peep once, to know if things are okay !
there's nothing beautiful about it , you'll see the old frail lady, on her creeking bed in a mousse state. She'll call you in numerous ways, contact you in your private most cottage where no soul shall make a noise yet, you will ignore her voice. However far u may go ; hide somewhere or build yourself a home of Hide, my love for you will not lower down. You've taken things for granted and i forgot who I was.
Here's what's not beautiful about it: from here, you can't see the rust or the cracked paint or whatever, but you can tell what the place really is. look at all those culs-de-sac, those dream like streets that were built to fall apart.Everything demented with the mania of owning things. All the things paper-thin and paper-frail. And all the people, too. I've lived here for longer years and I have never once in my life come across anyone who cares about anything that matters as much I could have .
there's nothing beautiful about it , you'll see the old frail lady, on her creeking bed in a mousse state. She'll call you in numerous ways, contact you in your private most cottage where no soul shall make a noise yet, you will ignore her voice. However far u may go ; hide somewhere or build yourself a home of Hide, my love for you will not lower down. You've taken things for granted and i forgot who I was.
Here's what's not beautiful about it: from here, you can't see the rust or the cracked paint or whatever, but you can tell what the place really is. look at all those culs-de-sac, those dream like streets that were built to fall apart.Everything demented with the mania of owning things. All the things paper-thin and paper-frail. And all the people, too. I've lived here for longer years and I have never once in my life come across anyone who cares about anything that matters as much I could have .
Thursday, 20 October 2011
Rendezvous !
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
Raina
Mere Naina se dekh zara, tujhe har zareh mai roshni dikh jayegi magar mere naina se woh raina na dekhna woh aakh bhar layegi.
In this era we live, relationships and emotions have become more fragmented than ever. Masked men roam about in each little element yet you come across those who unmask. People like you and I, will keep on giving in love in a blank cheque and never learn that people are more cynical than they seem. However, it’s never the end of the world until the sigh of suffocation doesn’t rise above the one that Bob Marley says in one of his writings . Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night's sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake up the same way each night and out cry the emotion till it’s over. I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own pessimism. When there’s a out rage of that emotion and rage that arises, it’s best to forgive and love back like friends. Friendship mends all wounds, it gives a little smile and lessens tears, gives rise to new hope that no matter what, even if things fall apart there’ll all be friends and that is something nobody can take away ; that happiness of being. The happiness of being is nothing, it differs from all we have ever seen and ever done. The emotion travels to far land and doesn’t come too often.
Love is like a stab in the back, it hurts and leaves u astonished. The only thing that keeps the that person alive is the respect you build up gradually. That ‘respect’ will be a book mark in the pages between. Being with his pictures I feel a pain, like a frozen knife stuck in my chest. An awful pain, but the funny thing is I'm used to that frozen pain and my very existence are one to dissolve .
The pain is an anchor, mooring me here. A sad fact, about life is that you see the very things you'll never adapt to coming toward you on the horizon. You see them as the problems they are, you worry like hell about them, you make provisions, take precautions, fashion adjustments; you tell yourself you'll have to change your way of doing things. Only you don't. You can't. Somehow it's already too late. And maybe it's even worse than that: maybe the thing you see coming from far away is not the real thing, the thing that scares you, but its aftermath. And what you've feared will happen has already taken place. This is similar in spirit to the realization that all the great new advances of medical science will have no benefit for us at all, thought we cheer them on, hope a vaccine might be ready in time, think things could still get better. Only it's too late there too. And in that very way our life gets over before we know it. We miss it. And like the poet said: The ways we miss our lives are life.”
The pain is an anchor, mooring me here. A sad fact, about life is that you see the very things you'll never adapt to coming toward you on the horizon. You see them as the problems they are, you worry like hell about them, you make provisions, take precautions, fashion adjustments; you tell yourself you'll have to change your way of doing things. Only you don't. You can't. Somehow it's already too late. And maybe it's even worse than that: maybe the thing you see coming from far away is not the real thing, the thing that scares you, but its aftermath. And what you've feared will happen has already taken place. This is similar in spirit to the realization that all the great new advances of medical science will have no benefit for us at all, thought we cheer them on, hope a vaccine might be ready in time, think things could still get better. Only it's too late there too. And in that very way our life gets over before we know it. We miss it. And like the poet said: The ways we miss our lives are life.”
Only I will remain.I will stand by you in the toughest of time, like the sky by it’s sea, you’ll never face despair in my presence I promise. The rage I have, will dissolve in the lake of going away. Years to come, I will stand there, where I used to stand with you. By you and call it friendship or humanity, I will do it no matter how much you avoid your being and my being. I will splatter happiness over you and throw u in it as much as I can and if u shall resist, I’ll pull you back in place.
Hear me out, I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love but there are times where I’m nothing but a person in there. I hope not to do that again, to get attached, it’s a sin. I know !
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken into more than the fatal ways of this earth. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully in little luxurious covers; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the a pretty old shoe box of your selfishness. But in that box, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.
But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there.Nevertheless, There are people in the world, who are just wrong, and then there are the masses of population that are right, or at the very least they lie in the veil of between. I on the other hand, do not belong to any group. I don’t exist. It’s not that I don’t have substance; I have a body like everyone else. I can feel the fire when it burns against my pinkish skin, the rain when it caresses my face and the breeze as it fingers my hair. I have all the senses that other people do. I am just empty, inside. And then there are always clever people about to promise you that everything will be all right if only you put yourself out a bit... And you get carried away, you suffer so much from the things that exist that you ask for what can't ever exist. Now look at me, I was well away dreaming like a fool and seeing visions of a nice friendly life on good terms with everybody, and off I went, up into the clouds. And when you fall back into the mud it hurts a lot. No! None of it was true, none of those things we thought we could see existed at all. All that was really there was still more misery-- oh yes! as much of that as you like-- and bullets into the bargain! Someties, all u want is to be loved and love back.
But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there.Nevertheless, There are people in the world, who are just wrong, and then there are the masses of population that are right, or at the very least they lie in the veil of between. I on the other hand, do not belong to any group. I don’t exist. It’s not that I don’t have substance; I have a body like everyone else. I can feel the fire when it burns against my pinkish skin, the rain when it caresses my face and the breeze as it fingers my hair. I have all the senses that other people do. I am just empty, inside. And then there are always clever people about to promise you that everything will be all right if only you put yourself out a bit... And you get carried away, you suffer so much from the things that exist that you ask for what can't ever exist. Now look at me, I was well away dreaming like a fool and seeing visions of a nice friendly life on good terms with everybody, and off I went, up into the clouds. And when you fall back into the mud it hurts a lot. No! None of it was true, none of those things we thought we could see existed at all. All that was really there was still more misery-- oh yes! as much of that as you like-- and bullets into the bargain! Someties, all u want is to be loved and love back.
I didn't think I was in a morbid mood, but it appears I am. My mind goes round and round trying to figure things out, but I always come back to the same two things: Loneliness and Death. Life ends before we figure anything out, most importantly how not to be lonely. Solitude is fine. But feeling like you have no one to love - abject lonliness - is not alright. I was lonely. I felt it deeply and permanently, that this state of being on my own might never disappear. But I welcomed the lonliness, which had everything to do with being anonymous. I realize full well how hard it must be to go on living alone in a place from which someone has left you, but there is nothing so cruel in this world as the desolation of having nothing to hope for. Time weighs down on you like an old, ambiguous dream. You keep on moving, trying to sleep through it. But even if you go to the ends & edges of the earth, you won't be able to escape it. Still, you have to go there- to the edge of the world. There's something you can't do unless you get there, maybe ! ?
In true sense - It's hard to tell the difference between the actuality and granted relations, between my love and yours. Between reality and the workings of the heart.
Things Fall Apart
Dear Beloved
Realtionships are fragile things, we may not be the best care takers of it but we arent the worst either . They cannot be bound in one because they are made up of love .Boundries in love and things fall apart . Sometimes , the relationships fall apart easily and sometimes, even the hardest thing to accept about it makes it easier to keep it.
someday , where everything falls apart ...these relationships become the best care takers of it . To safeguard them , is the only thing required.
They are the most beautiful and could turn ugly. I can say this because I have been through the best time of them .
And I'm proud to say - I have someone to safeguard it ...
this is dedicated to all the Friends i have as well the loving family i got .
Lots of Love.
Yours ,
Sonia
Realtionships are fragile things, we may not be the best care takers of it but we arent the worst either . They cannot be bound in one because they are made up of love .Boundries in love and things fall apart . Sometimes , the relationships fall apart easily and sometimes, even the hardest thing to accept about it makes it easier to keep it.
someday , where everything falls apart ...these relationships become the best care takers of it . To safeguard them , is the only thing required.
They are the most beautiful and could turn ugly. I can say this because I have been through the best time of them .
And I'm proud to say - I have someone to safeguard it ...
this is dedicated to all the Friends i have as well the loving family i got .
Lots of Love.
Yours ,
Sonia
Moohre
Here I sit in chilly frost of myself with some froth to warm up those days. Then I go into trance and run over reels of days but SURPRISE SURPRISE !! they are all empty and vague . Had I known I would walk such a long long stoney brook all by myself ? Hath thou left me a peice at every twist and turn I would take? Most probably yes. But had he known I shall fight and figure the riddle u say u didn't but u did put up. Had u known the woman u shall lose ur soul to would be the woman u never walked with ? U had known somthing for sure , and that was the enimity in turn of purity , injury in turn of purity and Lie in turn of purity again. Did thou had the slightest wonder to moi tranqulity , affection and tension.
That place u stood in with pride , today u shall still stand with pride and zing of ego but I have remained the same - Here I sit in chilly frost with some froth to warm up those days. Those days of little smiles , those moments of wait, those hours of sickness and those nights of surprise . Here u stand , with a wide proud chest screaming out and those forgotten memories.
U had a fling in mind , that I shall hate u for the rest of my counted breaths but had u known anything to it's depth?
NO ! screams my inner say .
The opposite of Love isn't enimity but it's the indiffrence u have missed . The hallow in ur soul , u have missed.
Oh dear Oh dear ! I shall run without words to say , 'she' that u say is a soul u sold a mile ago ; is the same soul u had to carefully weep upon to end . U sold that beautiful thing !
Here I sit all by myself in forsted chill with an empty mug of froth.
That place u stood in with pride , today u shall still stand with pride and zing of ego but I have remained the same - Here I sit in chilly frost with some froth to warm up those days. Those days of little smiles , those moments of wait, those hours of sickness and those nights of surprise . Here u stand , with a wide proud chest screaming out and those forgotten memories.
U had a fling in mind , that I shall hate u for the rest of my counted breaths but had u known anything to it's depth?
NO ! screams my inner say .
The opposite of Love isn't enimity but it's the indiffrence u have missed . The hallow in ur soul , u have missed.
Oh dear Oh dear ! I shall run without words to say , 'she' that u say is a soul u sold a mile ago ; is the same soul u had to carefully weep upon to end . U sold that beautiful thing !
Here I sit all by myself in forsted chill with an empty mug of froth.
Longing
Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine. An you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others. And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about.
Here and There
I breathe deep down and walk in vigor
Begins a new page everyday
Spirits fly and hopes high
I fall in love, I get attached, I become beautiful, I thieve despite the dark curtains of it all
Then comes my way the stones I must cross and paths I shall make
I do I do I do
I am a pile of affection and I'm mellow
Then then then
Comes another day, rainy yet dry
I ask why, in sobbed clothes I shall lay
I’m happy I’m happy I’m happy
It’s an utter lie
I fall out of love, I get detached, I become numb and I walk alone
My eyes scream, see see see
I shall not give up ‘try’
And I try and I try
And then becomes a cold lay
I shall lie I shall lie I shall lie
In the bed of sores, in the arms of deceit, in injustice
And then goes the spark, POooFfft!!
There goes a mourn and here goes a beloved
She shall lie in peace now, no more injury, no more false stars to thieve upon
And shall bid goodbye
Dasvidaniyan!
Begins a new page everyday
Spirits fly and hopes high
I fall in love, I get attached, I become beautiful, I thieve despite the dark curtains of it all
Then comes my way the stones I must cross and paths I shall make
I do I do I do
I am a pile of affection and I'm mellow
Then then then
Comes another day, rainy yet dry
I ask why, in sobbed clothes I shall lay
I’m happy I’m happy I’m happy
It’s an utter lie
I fall out of love, I get detached, I become numb and I walk alone
My eyes scream, see see see
I shall not give up ‘try’
And I try and I try
And then becomes a cold lay
I shall lie I shall lie I shall lie
In the bed of sores, in the arms of deceit, in injustice
And then goes the spark, POooFfft!!
There goes a mourn and here goes a beloved
She shall lie in peace now, no more injury, no more false stars to thieve upon
And shall bid goodbye
Dasvidaniyan!
Stranger Women
Miles apart we were
Two women, whom I hath not known
Two women, miles apart
Untold stories revealed
Unfelt, was felt
Miles apart, they are
Some untold stories
Best kept moments,
Best shared , with best people
Those two women, who obliged me.
Those two women, how close they have grown
The bond forged between us was not one that could be broken by absence, distance, or time
And no matter how much more special or beautiful or brilliant or perfect than me she might be,
She was as irreversibly altered as I was.
As I would always belong to their love.
Unknown it is, unfelt it is
There’s no hug, there’s no present.
It’s just an unknown bond, is it?
Does it break my heart? Of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of.
I never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent, I never thought about things at all, everything changed, the distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn't the world.
It wasn't the bombs and burning buildings, it was me, my thinking, and the cancer of never letting go, is ignorance bliss.
I don't know, but it's so painful to think, and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me?
I think and think and think, I've thought myself out of happiness one million times, but got once into it. Time maybe the longest distance between two places, not people.
We connect, we devise a memory .
Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious as to have friends at a distance; they make the latitudes and longitudes
You never come back, not all the way. Always there is an odd distance between you and the people you love and the people you meet, a barrier thin as the glass of a mirror, you never come all the way out of the mirror; you stand, for the rest of your life, with one foot in this world and no one in another, where everything is upside down
Not one day in anyone’s life is an uneventful day, no day without profound meaning, no matter how dull and boring it might seem, no matter whether you are a seamstress or a queen, a shoeshine boy, or a movie star, a renowned philosopher or a Down’s-syndrome child.
Because in every day of your life, there are opportunities to perform little kindnesses for others, both by conscious acts of will and unconscious example. Each smallest act of kindness—even just words of hope when they are needed, the remembrance of a birthday, a compliment that engenders a smile—reverberates across great distances and spans of time, affecting lives unknown to the one whose generous spirit was the source of this good echo, because kindness is passed on and grows each time it’s passed, until a simple courtesy becomes an act of selfless courage years later and far away.
Likewise, each small meanness, each thoughtless expression of hatred, each envious and bitter act, regardless of how petty, can inspire others, and is therefore the seed that ultimately produces evil fruit, poisoning people whom you have never met and never will. All human lives are so profoundly and intricately entwined—those dead, those living, those generations yet to come—that the fate of all is the fate of each, and the hope of humanity rests in every heart and in every pair of hands.
Therefore, after every failure, we are obliged to strive again for success, and when faced with the end of one thing, we must build something new and better in the ashes, just as from pain and grief, we must weave hope,
for each of us is a thread critical to the strength—to the very survival of the human tapestry. Every hour in every life contains such often-unrecognized potential to affect the world that the great days and thrilling possibilities are combined always in this momentous day.
You women, gifted me .
There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you
If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever
When I honestly ask myself, which person in my life means the most to me, I often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share my pain and touch my wounds with a warm and tender hands.
The friend who can be silent with me in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, those are the women I talk about.
I say “I have forgotten what’s called being truly happy, I have forgotten about the happiness in me. ‘Somebody’ stole it and I could never find it ever again. Everyday I’m haunted to bits by these little monsters and all I can say is, I have nothing to say …that ‘somebody’ has grown so mighty in this era that he renders me speechless.” I choke
Those women tell me “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival. Hush little girl! “
I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff it is.
Dear women, what shall I say?
There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field. I'll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass ,the world is too full to talk about.
When I say it's you I like, I'm talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see or hear or touch. That deep part of you that allows you to stand for those things without which humankind cannot survive. Love that conquers hate, peace that rises triumphant over war and justice that proves more powerful than greed.
Those two women, I bow to you.
For giving me, the unforgiving love
What shall I say? Miles apart we are.
You women, I salute you.
PS: Thank you for making me smile, I'm indebted as always
Two women, whom I hath not known
Two women, miles apart
Untold stories revealed
Unfelt, was felt
Miles apart, they are
Some untold stories
Best kept moments,
Best shared , with best people
Those two women, who obliged me.
Those two women, how close they have grown
The bond forged between us was not one that could be broken by absence, distance, or time
And no matter how much more special or beautiful or brilliant or perfect than me she might be,
She was as irreversibly altered as I was.
As I would always belong to their love.
Unknown it is, unfelt it is
There’s no hug, there’s no present.
It’s just an unknown bond, is it?
Does it break my heart? Of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of.
I never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent, I never thought about things at all, everything changed, the distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn't the world.
It wasn't the bombs and burning buildings, it was me, my thinking, and the cancer of never letting go, is ignorance bliss.
I don't know, but it's so painful to think, and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me?
I think and think and think, I've thought myself out of happiness one million times, but got once into it. Time maybe the longest distance between two places, not people.
We connect, we devise a memory .
Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious as to have friends at a distance; they make the latitudes and longitudes
You never come back, not all the way. Always there is an odd distance between you and the people you love and the people you meet, a barrier thin as the glass of a mirror, you never come all the way out of the mirror; you stand, for the rest of your life, with one foot in this world and no one in another, where everything is upside down
Not one day in anyone’s life is an uneventful day, no day without profound meaning, no matter how dull and boring it might seem, no matter whether you are a seamstress or a queen, a shoeshine boy, or a movie star, a renowned philosopher or a Down’s-syndrome child.
Because in every day of your life, there are opportunities to perform little kindnesses for others, both by conscious acts of will and unconscious example. Each smallest act of kindness—even just words of hope when they are needed, the remembrance of a birthday, a compliment that engenders a smile—reverberates across great distances and spans of time, affecting lives unknown to the one whose generous spirit was the source of this good echo, because kindness is passed on and grows each time it’s passed, until a simple courtesy becomes an act of selfless courage years later and far away.
Likewise, each small meanness, each thoughtless expression of hatred, each envious and bitter act, regardless of how petty, can inspire others, and is therefore the seed that ultimately produces evil fruit, poisoning people whom you have never met and never will. All human lives are so profoundly and intricately entwined—those dead, those living, those generations yet to come—that the fate of all is the fate of each, and the hope of humanity rests in every heart and in every pair of hands.
Therefore, after every failure, we are obliged to strive again for success, and when faced with the end of one thing, we must build something new and better in the ashes, just as from pain and grief, we must weave hope,
for each of us is a thread critical to the strength—to the very survival of the human tapestry. Every hour in every life contains such often-unrecognized potential to affect the world that the great days and thrilling possibilities are combined always in this momentous day.
You women, gifted me .
There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you
If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever
When I honestly ask myself, which person in my life means the most to me, I often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share my pain and touch my wounds with a warm and tender hands.
The friend who can be silent with me in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, those are the women I talk about.
I say “I have forgotten what’s called being truly happy, I have forgotten about the happiness in me. ‘Somebody’ stole it and I could never find it ever again. Everyday I’m haunted to bits by these little monsters and all I can say is, I have nothing to say …that ‘somebody’ has grown so mighty in this era that he renders me speechless.” I choke
Those women tell me “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival. Hush little girl! “
I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff it is.
Dear women, what shall I say?
There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field. I'll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass ,the world is too full to talk about.
When I say it's you I like, I'm talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see or hear or touch. That deep part of you that allows you to stand for those things without which humankind cannot survive. Love that conquers hate, peace that rises triumphant over war and justice that proves more powerful than greed.
Those two women, I bow to you.
For giving me, the unforgiving love
What shall I say? Miles apart we are.
You women, I salute you.
PS: Thank you for making me smile, I'm indebted as always
Rise And Fall
Life ,it pulls u back and forth . It does it time and again . I close my eyes to see a better day and when, I open it I realise it was a dream. why does this happen ?
why do wounds never heal and, more and more come over them ?
Sometimes , it becomes an open book of lies and facts . All u have is ur dear eyes and an aching heart .
Nobody listens , nobody waits because there is nobody except u move on with the pace.
Sometimes u wish dearly that someone was there to hug u and say everything is fine .
The plan is flawed as always, everything u see isn't true .
sometimes....some where .....someone ....does bring back those tears and smiles which lay back in u for long .There is more , than u see ...
Maybe....
:/
why do wounds never heal and, more and more come over them ?
Sometimes , it becomes an open book of lies and facts . All u have is ur dear eyes and an aching heart .
Nobody listens , nobody waits because there is nobody except u move on with the pace.
Sometimes u wish dearly that someone was there to hug u and say everything is fine .
The plan is flawed as always, everything u see isn't true .
sometimes....some where .....someone ....does bring back those tears and smiles which lay back in u for long .There is more , than u see ...
Maybe....
:/
Monday, 10 October 2011
Memoires From Her Last Rites
Words while breathing her last
She said not to be heard
But to be felt by him
Of how much she loved him.
Holding hands,resting her head on his chest
A flashback of memories played in her head
Knowing she had less time with him
Did not let a second get wasted.
A smile she set on her face
To not let his smile fade away
All she wanted in her last minutes
Were moments of joy,smile on the face and not a drop of tear.
As she laughed to the words spoken
She collapsed on his shoulder
Lifeless she lay on the bed
And ending the world for him
She left for her deathbed
She said not to be heard
But to be felt by him
Of how much she loved him.
Holding hands,resting her head on his chest
A flashback of memories played in her head
Knowing she had less time with him
Did not let a second get wasted.
A smile she set on her face
To not let his smile fade away
All she wanted in her last minutes
Were moments of joy,smile on the face and not a drop of tear.
As she laughed to the words spoken
She collapsed on his shoulder
Lifeless she lay on the bed
And ending the world for him
She left for her deathbed
Sunday, 2 October 2011
Un-editied Versions
Somewhere in life there's a deep; strong stroke (*nothing reffered to sickness here) and then u know what u really want from life and think u might get from it. Here's a peice directly from my age old writing;where i regret my loss :
"Sometimes in life, u have to go back to the starting point and start all over again. To face the pros and cons of life once more and know hat u missed out from it.To set ur own limits & ur own defination for the word 'freedom'.to settle in ur own space , get scared and walk ahead of ur fears. To fall out of love (i.e family, boyfriends, husbands, in-laws, friends) and make ur own mark of things. To watch movies, go dancing, try singing, reading to eternity and writing as much as u like. For once a while, leave that blackberry silent and discover the lost person in you. In no time u might pass out, in no time u might give up so live till u can and wait for the time when the sand in the sandbox gets over. Soar above the rest."
People often told me to write about happiness, good things , sunshine and blah blah . Have u ever thought of the mind chorea I might have gone through? Even though my pain isn't the greatest in the world, it's still the pinching pain that waers me out too often. I dainlty saved up all the love for the one i loved the most, and now my love, affection & smile has evaporated into the dark . I live for namesake. Tears flow; they flow daily in the fraction of a second. Tears flow; and they take away hope. Tears flow; hot & painful tears flow similar to the red hot blood that once flew.
The fraught presence of life in me is ugly. Very ugly.
I will let it go, with no destinations to cover, and no heights to reach.
I lost love
I lost hope
I lost all I treasured.
and Now I shall lose, myself. Forever and ever.
*age old writings of Sonia- An old english lady's story *
Saturday, 1 October 2011
Truth & Dare
- listening to the song 'sajda' I felt some sort of amazement , how does an artist learn how to entice it's listeners. I get lost in it, come back and still sit in this amazement of sorts.
- The black ring on my finger is wrapped in so much affection & prayer on my left ring finger, how must I question it ? How may I question it's power, it's invincible or whatever!
- april journals(blog) is so bloody addictive , let me quote it this way - I'm trying to read as much as possible.
- psychology - to be or not to be?
- isolation- Okay! I'm not killing myself, I just need some time to know if this is the right thing to do or not.i'm trying to know if any one of these idiots remember me or not,to know if my silence speaks louder, to know if there's a world above love and sorrow, to know what I really want from life@
- London- my lost dream
- reading is as good as writing yet I need to work out .... ugh
- I'm going to move out of love, and find a world above it.
- there are things to be happy about, as little as the sleep after the day's work.
- for something to get attached to u; stay, and let it dismantle some parts
- travel- what's the point?
- Im pissed at life since bachpan
- I'm giving up photography,selling my - camera, psp, ps2 and all such things
- I'm giving up the actual factors and I'm trying untangle all knots
- None of u idiots deserve my words and I'm not just saying this, I mean it !
- and all those idiots who think ISOLATION is bad - shut the fuck up !
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