Satire et Pessimism

Sometimes, you lose track of what you're doing. And you know that. That's the worst part. You know what you want to be doing. What you should be doing. But you're never able to really get down to doing you.

That leaves you feeling confused. Worthless. Like you’re a waste of space, like you’re not strong enough, like you’re not upto it.

Things go into a frenzy. It’s like you’re in a trance. Caught, in this jungle, you know what’s past it, you know how to get there. but you’ve been stuck here so long. You’ve lost the will to try anymore. It’s not so bad here after all, is it? You look outside. Greenery. Trees. Magnificent creatures. Exotic plants. It’s oh-so-interesting. But you forget to take a peek inside yourself. What’s hidden there? Pain. Despair. Hopelessness. 

You get accustomed to the jungle. You fetch for yourself. You feed yourself. You tell yourself that this is how it’s meant to be. Reject the hopes. The dreams. The visions of success. Of achievement. Or peace. Of stability. All the visions you had about your life. You get accustomed to what you have. What’s right there in front of you. What’s easy. 

Time passes. You’re still caught in the frenzy. In the trance. And then the high wears off. Oh you, you’re right where you were. There hasn’t been any epiphany. But the daze? You get too used to it. Too immune. You crave for a stronger intoxicant. You’d do anything to get back into a reverie. But before you get your hands on it, memories flood back. Thoughts rush into your conscience. And you remember. That’s the hardest part. Remembering. The hopes. Dreams. Visions. Plans. And you fight back. You want what you wanted again. You’ll do anything to get it. 

The catch? You forgot the way. You’d known how to get out before. Before, when you were out of the clutches of hopelessness. When you still desired what you really wanted, and not just escape. Back, when you’d still had focus. And now? All you have is a wish. And no way to realize it. 

Guilt. Hurt. Breakdowns. New resolves. Followed by a white flag. 

You see no way out. And the only one you can blame is yourself. And then there’s a calm. Composure. Will power. You decide to fight.

You begin to trudge through the forest. The forest doesn’t want to let you go. You don’t want to remain entrapped. War breaks out. Somehow....it's inside you. Because the forest? It was within you all along. The only thing holding you back was you. You were the one who momentarily gave up the dreams. Yes, truly, you’re the only one to blame to have lost your way. You gave yourself the wrong directions. You forgot the way out. You brought this upon yourself. 

The calm transforms into a panic attack. The composure? Comsumed by another burst of a new frenzy. The will power? It crumbles. 

And you fall back into the vines in the forest that trap you. Failing to realize that it’s not really the vines. It’s your own mind holding you back.

All along, it really was just you.

So go out there and live as if there’s nothing that holds u back. Fall in love, live in it and fall again if u fall out. Live, so when ur 70 u remember those days and laugh like a bunny little grandpa/ grandma !