Unsettling Fear

Months and Days pass in split seconds, how I wish I could just live one more time .
Over an year ago, I loathed over everything from my physical appearence to my daily routine. I wished, I had 'another chance'.
Today, when I stand in the proximity of love,undaunted ; that 'another chance' to reform what I was losing, I realise what I'm going to miss the most.Things have become fragmented, much like my thoughts. I realise that budding fear inside me. A land which I have addressed home, calls today ; I being the fearless female run to it . What is that fear all about then? Heartbreak? I sometimes question my faith or shall I call it belief - what on earth makes me write love stories? when I truly believe there's nothing of that sort . When I know, the love is nothing but madness of its own kind which, no sooner dies. What is it then, pulling me towards it; making me quote about it and shaking my faith?
Present day, I diguise much of that smile. I have known for a long time now  that there's nothing to loath about. There's nothing to be hankering about. Fragments shall stay & occupiers shall beast out in the wilderness, leaving you in between that octave. I don't hold the philosopher's stone nor do I believe that I'm a phoenix but I'm just a woman in the the most questionable state of mind who wishes to relinquish that fear . The call before storm, before I decide to become a Shawnee . Tosh!