Away and apart of many million girls, I'm one such millionth girl. I'm not Big Rich Brat nor am I a princess by heart. I'm just an ordinary girl with some ordinary dreams, some ordinary wishes and some ordinary reasons to live - to work and be independent, to be a good mom , to make a house look like home. These dreams are far more downward than ordinary; they aren't having a BLING-ful life or a super sexy man , they are just what I could least wish for.
When I was a little girl, I thought life was simple yet i was confused in my own theories. I grew up to be an ordinary girl, chubby and silent ...had no talent and wasn't allowed to express either. I don't know who to blame, mom and dad ; their busy lives; the place or simply luck ?
I was made to feel like a princess but trust me, being ordinary is better. You don't have over protective parents, telling you to not do that and do that . It's irritating.
As I grew up in my teens, I realised how ugly was reality; how irritating was everybody and how naive was nobody . I've been blindfolded to numerous million things; family wasn't a beautiful part , it's a handful or crazy people u learn to love despite everything they throw at u ; friends ? oh I'm not sure they even exist anymore; freedom? In my part of the world, freedom is nothing but being a slut ....gosh ! really ? i couldn't believe when mom said it and I realised she was one woman who will never understand me till I'm old . i didn't know half the girls my age are sluts because they can hang out with friends,join and maintain a gym routine, get to the spa and relax,have lunches and dinners at other places than home , have a social network i.e. social life , events to attend, courses to do , gadgets to buy or simply expressions to make ?
I know I make it sound horrible, such a bitch of a daughter I am ....am I not? well, truth isn't sweet.
What do I ask for, that makes me such a bitch of a daughter?
I ask for novels to read, new gadgets to buy, coke &coffee to replace all my bitterness, movies to watch alone, art to explore ; to learn to be independent or just live up my art of writing ?
Does that make me a bitch ? an un-wanted one?
"your books and your technology is a waste of money , go study ! "
"what is so special about Ur writing anyway ? go study ! "
"coke and coffee ? seen yourself? fat woman that u look like ! I'm sic of you "
"it wont make a difference if u don't watch that movie, it's soon be on TV"
"Ur f****ing art costs money ! realise that ?"
"what will u do learning gymnastics anyway ? go study, u failed that test "
these are his expressions . Expressions that murdered me within, murdered my dream of being 'me' .
>What harm does it do to have a couple of friends?
it does , to them it's a grave sin .
PS : i just have one friend, it's a 'male' and I don't know if that makes me a slut .
> what harm does it do , to ask for ur freedom if ur 18 years old ?
it does, to them ; it's being a 'slut'
PS: i want to go away for college and stay in a PG accommodation
>what harm does it do, to buy a new gadget that attracts me ?
it does, to them its a waste of money
PS: i wanted a laptop,my old one is too old to work properly now.
> what harm does it do to be me?
it does,it makes them feel I'm out of control
PS:
Dear 'they'
I'm sorry regard to this way because its shameful to call u parents that way and i can't disrespect love. I know I'm not the best daughter in the world, i don't want to be one . I now I don't score A grades in everything, but I like it that way. I know i love gadgets , so does it cause lot of money ? maybe ! but it's less than the kind of donations u make. i know i cant have friends, because u don't have any . i know I'm being a slut if i ask to hang out with my friends....it contradicts ur protectionist policy .i know i don't have fabulous figure, but I'm okay with it ....i cant join the gym . i know I'm one bitch of a daughter, but u know what ?
one day , I'll go away and never come back, one day I'll stop chirping, one day I'll be a better parent, one day I'll have anything I've ever loved; from my favourite shoe to my favourite gadget, one day I'll walk freely on the streets of Manhattan and nobody will stop me , one day I'll have lods of friends and hang outs , and u wont get to say a word , one day I'll write 100 great books and u wont have a word to mouth, one day - I'll breathe to be 'ME'
I just wish that one day arrives before I give up on myself.
its not that i love u any less, just that i cant connect to u anymore...i don't adore u anymore and now i think i want to be away .
Now I think, I'm not needed anymore.
PS : have i ever complained when u forget my birthday , abuse me harsh, tell me to die, dis-trust me, call every random man i speak to; my boyfriend ? Do i ever complain when I'm hurt and hug walls and pillows to cry because to u my pain is worthless, do u fail to notice my eyes red? my voice tone low and heavy ?
I've never complained, i will not.
it's time, I leave
Dasvidaniyan !
***********************
When I was a little girl, I thought life was simple yet i was confused in my own theories. I grew up to be an ordinary girl, chubby and silent ...had no talent and wasn't allowed to express either. I don't know who to blame, mom and dad ; their busy lives; the place or simply luck ?
I was made to feel like a princess but trust me, being ordinary is better. You don't have over protective parents, telling you to not do that and do that . It's irritating.
As I grew up in my teens, I realised how ugly was reality; how irritating was everybody and how naive was nobody . I've been blindfolded to numerous million things; family wasn't a beautiful part , it's a handful or crazy people u learn to love despite everything they throw at u ; friends ? oh I'm not sure they even exist anymore; freedom? In my part of the world, freedom is nothing but being a slut ....gosh ! really ? i couldn't believe when mom said it and I realised she was one woman who will never understand me till I'm old . i didn't know half the girls my age are sluts because they can hang out with friends,join and maintain a gym routine, get to the spa and relax,have lunches and dinners at other places than home , have a social network i.e. social life , events to attend, courses to do , gadgets to buy or simply expressions to make ?
I know I make it sound horrible, such a bitch of a daughter I am ....am I not? well, truth isn't sweet.
What do I ask for, that makes me such a bitch of a daughter?
I ask for novels to read, new gadgets to buy, coke &coffee to replace all my bitterness, movies to watch alone, art to explore ; to learn to be independent or just live up my art of writing ?
Does that make me a bitch ? an un-wanted one?
"your books and your technology is a waste of money , go study ! "
"what is so special about Ur writing anyway ? go study ! "
"coke and coffee ? seen yourself? fat woman that u look like ! I'm sic of you "
"it wont make a difference if u don't watch that movie, it's soon be on TV"
"Ur f****ing art costs money ! realise that ?"
"what will u do learning gymnastics anyway ? go study, u failed that test "
these are his expressions . Expressions that murdered me within, murdered my dream of being 'me' .
>What harm does it do to have a couple of friends?
it does , to them it's a grave sin .
PS : i just have one friend, it's a 'male' and I don't know if that makes me a slut .
> what harm does it do , to ask for ur freedom if ur 18 years old ?
it does, to them ; it's being a 'slut'
PS: i want to go away for college and stay in a PG accommodation
>what harm does it do, to buy a new gadget that attracts me ?
it does, to them its a waste of money
PS: i wanted a laptop,my old one is too old to work properly now.
> what harm does it do to be me?
it does,it makes them feel I'm out of control
PS:
Dear 'they'
I'm sorry regard to this way because its shameful to call u parents that way and i can't disrespect love. I know I'm not the best daughter in the world, i don't want to be one . I now I don't score A grades in everything, but I like it that way. I know i love gadgets , so does it cause lot of money ? maybe ! but it's less than the kind of donations u make. i know i cant have friends, because u don't have any . i know I'm being a slut if i ask to hang out with my friends....it contradicts ur protectionist policy .i know i don't have fabulous figure, but I'm okay with it ....i cant join the gym . i know I'm one bitch of a daughter, but u know what ?
one day , I'll go away and never come back, one day I'll stop chirping, one day I'll be a better parent, one day I'll have anything I've ever loved; from my favourite shoe to my favourite gadget, one day I'll walk freely on the streets of Manhattan and nobody will stop me , one day I'll have lods of friends and hang outs , and u wont get to say a word , one day I'll write 100 great books and u wont have a word to mouth, one day - I'll breathe to be 'ME'
I just wish that one day arrives before I give up on myself.
its not that i love u any less, just that i cant connect to u anymore...i don't adore u anymore and now i think i want to be away .
Now I think, I'm not needed anymore.
PS : have i ever complained when u forget my birthday , abuse me harsh, tell me to die, dis-trust me, call every random man i speak to; my boyfriend ? Do i ever complain when I'm hurt and hug walls and pillows to cry because to u my pain is worthless, do u fail to notice my eyes red? my voice tone low and heavy ?
I've never complained, i will not.
it's time, I leave
Dasvidaniyan !
***********************
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