Sometimes in my own thoughts I become a biwildered silent beast. I look deep into my black soul , dark and intensly filled with a horrifying story to tell; but who has the ear or the nerve to believe me that I am not crazy or absurd but just trying my very best to save my relationship .
Few years ago , i had these wonderful feelings for a man , they swinged with time; the relationship broke and I mend it each time , tirelessly !
I wasn't upset of fixing what had been broken,I did with the same passion each time and my love grew feirce all this while .
One fine morning, 11 am , I was horrified of a situation a woman who's unmarried and seemlessly fearless like me,would want to hear ; yet, I did and dealt with the consequences . All this happened and he packed his bags to leave, I knew my bleak chance of retaining the love has drained down due to my insolence and stupidity.
Little did I know that it could tear me apart this much; could throw me from a 1000 feet down . I swinged back and forth in hope and despair. The moment passed, I took a deep breath and said to myself, start again with a new beginning .
The beginning happened and no sooner I discovered that it was mere compromises he made under a plain white sheet of love and sacrifice. I understood and decided that I had hurt him enough and now I shall be a good girlfriend for the rest of my life.
But his grief is deeper than I can even feel or see. I'm blinded by the thought of love .
Before marriage came our way, I stood on the fork of my life; thinking - was this true love and could never turn it's back on me or was this a facade for my meagre happiness for the rest of my life ?
I know my soul is black and unpure ,but my feelings are chaste. Whatsoever I did , my actions; my lies ; my freatful tears; my prayers ; my obsession and everything I did and all the crimes and unjustice to myself of carefully wrapping my dreams and self into a silk cloth and disolving it into acid was because I had so much love into me that I could seldom let it go ; I hope I can be forgiven in the sha'ria court of justice and by him too .
God punished me already, for I can never again have my own flesh and precious blood to ease any pain , he has punished me and no punishment is ever going to be enough for a woman like me.
The greatest punishement is silence, that is if u throw me back a million miles from now.
* sigh*
What more can a man suffer who finds his own to be strangers and a deep void , never filled ; what man suffers more than insanity off his own self ?
Few years ago , i had these wonderful feelings for a man , they swinged with time; the relationship broke and I mend it each time , tirelessly !
I wasn't upset of fixing what had been broken,I did with the same passion each time and my love grew feirce all this while .
One fine morning, 11 am , I was horrified of a situation a woman who's unmarried and seemlessly fearless like me,would want to hear ; yet, I did and dealt with the consequences . All this happened and he packed his bags to leave, I knew my bleak chance of retaining the love has drained down due to my insolence and stupidity.
Little did I know that it could tear me apart this much; could throw me from a 1000 feet down . I swinged back and forth in hope and despair. The moment passed, I took a deep breath and said to myself, start again with a new beginning .
The beginning happened and no sooner I discovered that it was mere compromises he made under a plain white sheet of love and sacrifice. I understood and decided that I had hurt him enough and now I shall be a good girlfriend for the rest of my life.
But his grief is deeper than I can even feel or see. I'm blinded by the thought of love .
Before marriage came our way, I stood on the fork of my life; thinking - was this true love and could never turn it's back on me or was this a facade for my meagre happiness for the rest of my life ?
I know my soul is black and unpure ,but my feelings are chaste. Whatsoever I did , my actions; my lies ; my freatful tears; my prayers ; my obsession and everything I did and all the crimes and unjustice to myself of carefully wrapping my dreams and self into a silk cloth and disolving it into acid was because I had so much love into me that I could seldom let it go ; I hope I can be forgiven in the sha'ria court of justice and by him too .
God punished me already, for I can never again have my own flesh and precious blood to ease any pain , he has punished me and no punishment is ever going to be enough for a woman like me.
The greatest punishement is silence, that is if u throw me back a million miles from now.
* sigh*
What more can a man suffer who finds his own to be strangers and a deep void , never filled ; what man suffers more than insanity off his own self ?
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